Why am I writing anyways, Why I Did not before.

Still unbelievable to be typing this. Sitting down and kind of scribbling. Maybe this will end up into a write-up, wow! Looking back all the yester years, I don’t see myself actually doing something sitting down. Yeah, I do a lot of thinking. That’s all I do sitting at a place. Infact even while on move , while talking, coding , right from start of brushing to my laying down on bed , I have a constant activity. And that’s thinking.

Looking back what I see is, playing outdoors, making plans for a trip, traveling mountains, chatting, roaming around cars all over Delhi, meeting up friends etc. I would like to label all of it under ‘on the move’ lifestyle.

Hence the unbelievable adjective to this present endeavor.

As mentioned, thinking is one of my hobbies, a constant activity, which is self-amusing and sometimes even forced by my ‘self’. Just can’t help without it. I may have done this aloud with friends around, but why not pen them down. Why not. Something’s gotta change. Pen down at least the better of lot.

Cheers! Cheers to welcome a change. A transformation. And that’s writing. I already love it.

What I am looking at is myself in a small boat amongst a sea of thoughts. I wish I cud pick each drop, and this WordPad could absorb it forever. I would love to know how I thought at this time, especially considering the inherent and most troubled problem, memory loss.

I would begin to get to thoughts that stopped me from writing and the ones which have me brought me here.

Though small events and small trivial thoughts, but everything digs to the source, the core of personality. As far as to extend this, I think, if somebody started a conversation to get to source how a thought came to the mind. A dozen questions into the conversation, one could have fathomed into great depth of a character.

Ahh, I tread to anywhere when it comes to philosophy. So the thoughts that really stopped me from a write-up. One of the most basic is the attribute of my personality I just discussed. The attribute that I don’t like to stick to one place for long. Now if I dig and also connect dots in my past, I can see. I don’t stick to one place, one person, one hobby, one resolution and as far as, even to one thought for long. Move on is only permanent trait here. Yes with this, I have lost opportunities, relations and all that I just don’t recognize but this is how I have lived to adjust re-adjust compromise and live new fresh life. Change doesn’t bother. Maybe neither does Unfamiliarity.

Second thing that has stopped me from writing is the very thing that has ultimately led me to this. Thinking. I can think of why to blog, write and not to write for weeks! Ye I can! Procrastinate is one thing, that is centered on taking a choice or decision. But I just think endless. So the actual activity vanishes, doesn’t happen for a long long time.

A very eerie feeling that stopped me is my apprehension of being perfect in what I do. The thought that how well would I write, how well it would be read, interpreted just sticks in head. And all the time before this I thought, I can’t write classy. I can’t be very clear about thoughts while writing. Writing is a fine art. It Ain’t my peg of scotch. In Other words can’t be done with perfection, chuck it.

Suddenly I see myself missing opportunities because of this. I just dint find worth trying some things. Haww L.

Now the thoughts that brought me to writing this. Well this is kind of weird to say, but I have felt a drastic transformation. Source of it is the landmark forum I did in April 09. Now this not my molding and change cycle. This is what I and they say as transformation. But elaborating on all of this would take the context to a totally different plane.

But the thought I gained, acquired or discovered is, what I say I am is what I say would be. My past is sweet and my own. But it is not to stop me in any way of what I can be. What I can be and what I can do is totally a function of what I say or see in future. Really powerful isn’t it? So if I say I think too much and that’s why I don’t write, is nothing but my past stopping me do something I haven’t. So I just said that I write and it’s just that I dint. And “I dint” has nothing to do with whether I can, or whether I will!

Another thought that has brought me to writing is the fact that I like to be expressive. I just enjoy myself when I am expressive. So why not this why. And trust me. I am loving this experience all along.

One of more stupid thoughts is that I really forget. Lot of times I just get to a point where I can’t look in hindsight. So better pen down my ‘self’, my life and my experiences. Someday I would just hold a glass of scotch, and read through all of this smiling.

Above phrases I just realized that I have mentioned plenty where ‘my thoughts’. Well they aren’t actually mine. They aren’t owned. They are all from sharing. Borrowed from experiences and peoples all along. Contribution from people and experiences has really shaped all what I have written above.

Subtly I just put the whole blame of crap above)